Simplifying the thinking process is quite tough. Trying though is definitively worth it.
This was the first and partial output of a long thinking process that sounded almost like this:
Why do I wait so long before I say or do anything? Hey hey, wait a minute…are you crazy? I want everything I do to be perfect! Who do you think I am? I’m a perfectionist! There’s no other way to be loved. After I’ve been rejected, I no longer want to be alone. That’s a shit. I’m gonna find a way to successfully relate to anyone on this planet before I’d even open my mouth.
Well, nothing has made me understand better how “creativity comes easier within constraints”. I could not imagine a stricter limitation than this – getting rid of my previous models of self expression. No music, no readings, no writing, no people, possibly no thoughts at all… YES, I was desperate.
The mindfulness practice is great. I experienced that being alone is a basic human condition. Meaning that, at the very end, there’s nobody else who can relate to my problems better than I do. I couldn’t meet anyone until I skipped the relationship with myself. When I did it, I felt radically better…in the long term. Loving myself is really the best smartcut I’ve ever experienced!